Unmasking the Vulnerable Narcissist (Covert Narcissism : Signs and Traits)
Narcissism is often associated with overt behaviours, but there exists a subtler, less visible variant - covert narcissism (also known as vulnerable or shy narcissism). Covert narcissists wield their manipulation in the shadows, making it challenging to recognize their true nature.
Here we will explore what covert narcissism is and shed light on some of the lesser-known signs that can help you identify this concealed personality trait.
What Is Covert Narcissism?
Covert narcissism is a variation of narcissism (or narcissistic personality disorder) where individuals exhibit a more introverted and less obvious form of self-centeredness. Unlike their overt counterparts, covert narcissists appear modest and self-effacing, making it difficult to discern their true intentions. They are skilled at masking their need for admiration, often presenting themselves as sensitive and empathetic.
Signs and Traits of Covert Narcissism:
Hypersensitivity to Criticism:
Covert narcissists can be incredibly sensitive to even constructive criticism. They may react defensively, portraying themselves as victims, and turning the tables on the person providing feedback.
Playing the Martyr:
Covert narcissists often adopt the role of the martyr. They might recount their sacrifices and hardships to garner sympathy and attention, all while subtly seeking admiration.
Passive-Aggressiveness:
Instead of overt aggression, covert narcissists favour passive-aggressive behaviours. They may use sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or subtle put-downs to diminish others.
Ingrained Victim Mentality:
Covert narcissists frequently cast themselves as victims in various situations, deflecting blame and accountability onto others. They use their victimhood to elicit empathy and support.
Love-Bombing Followed by Withdrawal:
Covert narcissists can be exceptionally charming at the outset of a relationship, showering their target with love and affection. However, they often withdraw and become emotionally distant once they have their desired attention.
Intense Need for Validation:
While covert narcissists may not overtly seek admiration, they possess an insatiable need for validation. They rely on external praise and approval to maintain their self-esteem.
Manipulative Altruism:
Covert narcissists engage in acts of kindness but often do so with ulterior motives. They may use their charitable deeds to garner admiration, expecting something in return.
Favouritism and Selective Empathy:
Covert narcissists can be selective in their empathy, showing compassion mainly towards those who serve their self-interest. They may display favouritism towards individuals they believe can boost their self-esteem.
Chronic Self-Pity:
A pervasive sense of self-pity is a common trait among covert narcissists. They often exaggerate their troubles and hardships to solicit sympathy and attention.
Excessive Need for Secrecy:
Covert narcissists may keep aspects of their lives shrouded in secrecy. They use this hidden information as a form of power and control, selectively revealing or concealing details to manipulate those around them.
Indirect Boasting:
Instead of overt bragging, covert narcissists may engage in more subtle forms of self-promotion. They often weave their accomplishments or qualities into everyday conversations, subtly prompting others to admire or praise them.
Highly Sensitive to Perceived Rejection:
Covert narcissists can be hypersensitive to perceived rejection or slights, even when none exist. They may overreact to minor incidents and interpret them as a personal attack on their self-worth.
Passive Resistance:
In conflicts or disagreements, covert narcissists may resist change or compromise through passive means. They may procrastinate, create obstacles, or employ stubbornness to maintain control without overt confrontation.
Masterful at Guilt-Tripping:
Covert narcissists are adept at using guilt as a manipulative tool. They may guilt-trip others into meeting their needs or desires by playing on their empathy.
Frequent Boundary Violations:
Covert narcissists often disregard personal boundaries, invading the privacy and emotional space of others. They may use boundary violations to maintain control and elicit reactions.
Selective Forgetfulness:
Covert narcissists may conveniently forget their promises or responsibilities, especially when these commitments don't serve their interests. This selective memory can lead others to question their reliability.
Stingy with Compliments:
Covert narcissists may withhold praise or compliments from others, except when it can serve their agenda. They struggle to genuinely celebrate others' achievements.
Reluctance to Apologize:
Covert narcissists often find it challenging to offer sincere apologies. They may reluctantly admit fault but do so with a lack of true remorse, viewing it as an admission of weakness.
Covert narcissism is a less visible but equally manipulative and damaging form of narcissism. As it can sometimes be harder to spot covert narcissists as true narcissists, recognizing the subtle signs and traits can empower you to maintain healthier boundaries and relationships. Remember that identifying covert narcissism may require time and observation, as it often hides behind a façade of humility and modesty. If you suspect you are dealing with a covert narcissist, seeking professional guidance can be invaluable in managing such relationships and protecting your own well-being.
