Healing Sexual Abuse: Sensuality Vs. Sexuality
Healing from sexual abuse is a deeply personal journey, one that requires patience, self-compassion, and a profound reconnection with your own body. Personally, it’s taken me many years to build a foundation of safety when re-connecting to my sexuality. Embodiment felt terrifying for so long because not only did my body hold onto the traumatic memories, but I learned that it was because of having my body that I had to endure sexual trauma. It thus became automatic for me to associate being in my body with being in danger.
This is why so many survivors of sexual abuse opt for dissociation. When the body sustains that level of trauma, that extent of crossed boundaries, it often chooses resignation (a “giving up”). When you can’t fight back, when you can’t flee the situation, what other options do you have? Freezing. Giving up. Going numb can sometimes be the safest option in terms of survival.
And so it can continue on this way, for many years afterward. Even in times when our bodies are no longer in danger. Even in times when, logically put, we’re actually safe.
How do we move from Numbness back to Embodiment safely?
In this blog post, we will explore safe ways to reclaim our embodiment (and empowerment). Safe ways to be in our body that specifically don’t require sexualization. In this way, I will highlight the distinctions between sensuality and sexuality and delve into how sensuality can be a powerful tool in the healing process. I will also provide examples of somatic movement, embodiment exercises, and mindfulness practices that can help fellow survivors reclaim safety and comfort within their own bodies.
Understanding Sensuality and Sexuality:
Sexuality and sensuality, though often intertwined, are distinct aspects of human experience. Sexuality encompasses all aspects of sexual identity, desire, and behaviour, while sensuality involves our capacity to experience and appreciate sensations, emotions, and pleasure in a non-sexual context.
Sensuality refers to the ability to engage with and appreciate the sensory aspects of life, focusing on the richness of sensations and emotions. It encompasses a wide range of non-sexual experiences and sensations, including touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound. Sensuality is about being fully present in the moment, allowing oneself to savour and relish the sensory pleasures of life without necessarily involving sexual desire or activity.
Sensory Awareness: Sensuality involves heightened awareness and appreciation of sensory experiences. This can include enjoying the taste of a delicious meal, feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin, or savouring the aroma of flowers.
Emotional Connection: Sensuality often involves an emotional connection to the sensory experience. For example, listening to a piece of music may evoke strong emotions and bring a sense of connection with the music itself.
Mindfulness: Engaging in sensuality often requires mindfulness, where you are fully present in the moment and attentive to the sensory details. This can lead to a sense of relaxation and peace.
Non-sexual Pleasure: Sensuality is not focused on sexual arousal or sexual activity. It can be enjoyed in a platonic, non-sexual context and is often seen as a way to connect with one's own body and emotions.
Sexuality is a broader term that encompasses one's sexual identity, desires, behaviours, and experiences related to sexual activity, intimacy, and attraction. It involves the aspects of one's life related to sexual orientation, relationships, and physical intimacy. Sexuality can be a fundamental part of a person's identity and plays a crucial role in their relationships and self-expression.
Desire and Attraction: Sexuality encompasses sexual attraction, desire, and the physical, emotional, and psychological aspects of romantic and sexual relationships.
Sexual Orientation: Sexuality also includes one's sexual orientation, which can be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual, among other possibilities.
Intimacy and Relationships: Sexual expression often involves a level of intimacy and connection with a partner. This can include physical closeness, emotional bonding, and the sharing of desires and fantasies.
Reproduction and Health: Sexuality plays a role in human reproduction, sexual health, and overall well-being. sexu
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It's important to note that while sensuality and sexuality are separate concepts, they are not mutually exclusive. Sensuality can enhance the experience of sexual intimacy and can be an important part of a healthy sexual relationship. However, it's also possible to engage in sensuality without it leading to sexual activity. The distinction between the two is crucial, especially for individuals who have experienced trauma or abuse, as sensuality can provide a safe and healing way to reconnect with their bodies and emotions without involving sexual triggers.
Healing through Sensuality:
Sensuality provides survivors with a pathway to reconnect with their bodies on their terms, without the fear of re-traumatization through sexualization. By exploring sensuality, survivors can build a foundation of trust and understanding with their bodies.
Here are some practices and exercises that can help facilitate this healing journey:
1. Somatic Movement and Breathwork:
Perhaps you can start with making a playlist. Put together a few songs that you think your body would like to move to. In a private space (or with someone you trust), start with gentle, mindful movements. Pay close attention to the sensations in your body as you move.
Combine movement with deep, conscious breathing. Inhale and exhale, focusing on the physical sensations and emotions that arise with each breath.
It is important to note that if it ever feels like it’s too much for your body, to pause (maybe even pause the music). Try putting a hand over your heart and focus on slowing down your breathing, or humming (to stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system).
2. Grounding Exercises:
Stand or sit with both feet on the ground. Close your eyes, and imagine your body being rooted to the Earth like a tree.
Feel the support of the ground beneath you, connecting with its stability and safety.
3. Self-Massage:
With the use of a soft, comfortable texture like a silk scarf, practice gentle self-massage. Focus on areas where you feel tension or discomfort.
As you touch your skin, do so with curiosity and kindness. Explore the textures and sensations of your body.
4. Guided Imagery:
Use guided imagery to create safe and comforting mental spaces within yourself. Visualize a serene, tranquil location where you feel completely secure.
Engage all your senses in this mental journey: imagine the sights, sounds, and fragrances that offer solace and comfort.
5. Mindful Eating:
Explore the sensual experience of eating. Savour the flavours and textures of your food.
Pay close attention to how your body reacts to nourishment. This practice helps foster a deeper connection between your body and mind.
6. Connecting With A Somatic Therapist:
Somatic therapy is a form of therapy that focuses on the connection between the mind and body. It can be especially beneficial because it helps survivors address trauma stored within the body, as well as the emotional and psychological effects of abuse.
Recovery from sexual abuse is a journey that varies for every survivor, but connecting to your own sensuality (in a private or safe environment) can provide a profound avenue for rebuilding trust with your body. Through these practices, you can cultivate self-compassion, self-awareness, and a renewed sense of safety. It's essential to remember that your journey is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. Seek support from professionals or support groups when needed, and allow yourself the space and time to heal at your own pace. In embracing sensuality, you're taking a significant step towards a more profound and safer connection with your own body.
